After dinosaur ages, I'm blogging and I've realised that blogger has a new look.. hmm something for me to do during school hols..

BTW, heads up this is a major 'pour out the feelings' post... You see when I used to be much younger I used to look at those pple who were confused and hesistant about getting married and thought to myself how stupid! I mean if you like someone just save the drama and get freaking married..

And then, now at the age of 26, I had become one of those pple.. Why because of many reasons.. Firstly I'm pissed off at this screw up country.. I almost feel like a high class slum dweller who is in a rat race with the world and seem to have come to cross roads.. I have multiple routes that I can take to attain the ultimate goal of happiness.. But with a personality like LYNETTE from desperate housewives, these decisions are tough tough tough!!

Children were something precious a few yrs ago.. However with zero support and faith around I don't think it'll work out.. I dislike asking ppl for help in fear of inconveniencing them. YES IT'S MY GREATEST FEAR. So I rather do everything on my own. Plus life partner.. Oh gawd.. Where do I begin!!! IT IS A CONSTANT FREAKING STRUGGLE.. CAN THE STUPID GET STUPIDER? CAN THE UNHAPPY GET UNHAPPIER? How to live like that... But it is possible IF you're a woman like me.. I need so desperately to be in control in my life.. And since all my life I've had to do everything and pay every price for every decision I make.. I also have to pay the price for this..

I am a calculated risk taker.. I dislike jumping of the boat with out calculating the risk in my head.. However, there are times where my emotions take the front seat and in the heat of the moment I WILL DO, WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE DOING..

And that is how I have come to a decision for which route to take.. Let me lay out the routes for you..

Route number 1: CAREER; always confused and can't find a job that i deserve! I settle.. But this time, god has been very kind and given me the field I wanted with also the level and subject I can teach.. So I've decided to take the high road. No more thinking for the future family that i might have,making time blah blah.. Well tables turn and priorities change.

Route number 2: Marriage; well if you see my pinterest board I have a million ideas that are affordable, practical and something i might end up doing.. But I ONCE AGAIN, am not choosing this route so just get married and rom all one single and move on..I don't even think I'll do a photoshoot sucha freaking waste of money.. I mean if you're marrying full of love and everything it's totally different.. NOW unfortunately, I see it as an investment, in which I have lost many times but when you think of what others might have lost more that you, this doesn't seem that bad.

Route number 3: The lonely road, to give it all up, take the money, I've saved and travel the world.. But like my comrades always say, the lonely path leads to a dark corner ( okie I probably just made that up), well what I'm coming at is that maybe for that instant I will be happy but definitely not for the rest of my life..

Route number 4: The path of brilliance; In due time it will do it's landing.. yes to study further and force pple to call me Dr. Sangeetha someday like how Dr. Chia did it to us.. Haha.. Still won't forget the story about his PHD exam.. hahaha.. this route will be a detour at some point because I need it more than anything in this world.. Like how i needed that entry into uni.. I need this more than anything and if a good fall is gonna bring htat to me I'll take it any day.. Because my education will never leave me even if other things and ppl do..


So obviously, route number 1 will be the right option.. even though I will get hurt by others, even though I have little support. These things only make me stand up taller and shine brighter. Its funny how I never go to the ppl who are suppose to be the closest to me whenever I need to make a huge decision.. The key always is sent through a person least expected. That's where I consider myself to be blessed meet pple who have impacted my life and widened my outlook.

On a heavier note, betrayal of trust and unacceptable behaviour is beyond my control. Looks like you're turning real ugly by the days and created a twist in beauty and the beast without you realising.. How mature and un worthy....

wooooowwww

wow it's been quite a while since i updated...
Well lots have happened in this looooooong time...
FIRSTLY I'M AN ADVANCED OPEN WATER DIVER!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!..
was super anxious when i signed up for it.. But I think I might be addicted to diving.. I guess thank god I got an british instructor and that there were quite abit of other races there.. So it made me feel absolutely comfortable.. Becos if not I would be sitting there with people making jokes in chinese and totally oblivious to the fact that i am there.. SO THAT MADE A HUGE DIFF!! and also...becos my group was so great... I really enjoyed diving.. saw quite abit of stuff... trigger fish, nudibranchs, false clown fish and the true ones, blue spotted ray, bump head parrot fish, rainbow wrasse, schools of barracudas and the yellow stripes, cool sea slugs, huge blue sea starfish, bannerfish and lots more... at one point we even jumped off the boat at the jetty to see a huge school of fish under the boat.. totally fun.. the view in dayang is awesome.. everyday waking up to an awesome sunrise clear blue water, white sandy beach.. purely divine!! and when the sun sets we gear up for night dive and the feeling when you descend up and look straight up at the stars and the full moon.. AMAZING!!! you just go woah... well I quite couldn't do that becos I had a faulty BCD.. so i had to manually inflate my BCD.. haha.. but its so beautifully and breathtaking.. I LOVED EVERY MIN OF IT!!!

 WOULD I GO DIVING AGAIN?
HELL YEAH!!!!

pathetic

I have alot to rant about... And alot to complain.. I still haven't got any answers yet.. Toso many of my questions... As usual I got to wait!! And when the going gets tough I spill the beans very harshly and bluntly because I have no filter..

I feel so heartless and un wanted... I have lost the purpose to live.. I am merely living everyday like a dead person with no heart.. Almost as sad as the tin man from Wizard of OZ... When I stop to ask myself who in my family would I go and ask for help in times of trouble.. I couldn't think of anyone.. Not even my parents.. Not that they wouldn't help me, but it would come with a painful price and make me feel awfully uncomfortable.. I have a few friends I can rely on.. But then who else... my other half... yes I could..

I need a good break.. and I can't wait to go to phuket with my colleague who has been very co-operative and practical.. hope it wil be a good trip.. I just need to get away from everything that is drowning me... I feel pathetic..

CA1 results came in.. it is a bittersweet feeling.. I had bouts of mini heartattacks throughout the weak as I marked.. But nothing could beat today.. I was in such an awful mood after a horrible tiff and to make things worse PERIOD! and to top it all off the science results really cut me!

I just couldn't believe it!! I was drowning in the swimming pool of sadness!! HOW HORRID!! HOW LONELY!!...

on the flip side, my form class, kinda likes me a tad bit more.. I tried playing mind games with them telling them they'd be getting a new teacher after the mar hols and they were sooooo upset the entire day!!! hahahaha.. but of course i told them the truth later on.. haha..as much as they annoy me they often find some way to make me laugh...I NEED MY OWN HOUSE!! WITH NOONE IN IT!!



"When a man's an empty kettle,
He should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kinda human
If I only had a heart."
-tin man

When my body gave in....

Recently, I have been carrying a huge burden around with me. I have been working like nobody's business. Trying to make as much as i could. Not only was I drained physically, I was mentally torturing myself with alot of issues that I became so numb towards many things which I once shared a great passion for. With my family's health deteriorating, and my filial responsibilities spilling in, with my own relationship that i pushed away to a corner. I was trying to figure out how to strike a balance. And when I ran out of all the energy i could give, my body gave in. I fell sick, but still persevered and pushed. Was told and spoke to very nastily. I mean, why do you get your priorities wrong!

And amidst all this I got my heart broken and couldn't forgive how much a person can strike back knowing that their victim has already suffered a lost. And yesterday, I felt like I was carrying this huge load with a heavy heart and heavy head, with the skin on my back being tugged by thick metal chains. And I consoled myself, I told myself that things were getting better. I felt anxious and tired the whole time.

And this morning, god reminded me. TO STOP! TOSTOP AND PUT MYSELF FIRST BEFORE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ELSE. My body gave in as i brushed my teeth. My vision blurred. I held on to the sink so desperately to regain sight. But my body gave in. The next thing I could recall was hearing a loud thud, probably caused by my head hitting the floor, i quickly picked myself up grabbed my tooth brush, squeezed out some tooth paste and wanted to brush my teeth. But once again, my vision started to blur. I scrammed to the kitchen table and sat on the chair. Thats when my parents came to help me..

A painful reminder, but a worthy one..

A dead blog!

I know that my blog has been pretty quiet and dead for some time. Thinking of changing it into a teaching blog. I have been spending alot of time building resources for my class and chanced upon teaching blogs of U.S teachers and it's pretty awesome and extremely inspiring. I haven't gotten down to fully setting up my class room but we're holding up pretty alright.

This year I have alot of responsibilities and alot of projects to work on. Furthermore, I dug my own grave by signing up for tuition which I really can't cope for much longer. No idea how to break teh news to them but I have to.Tuition means a very good amount of money but extra time means less time for myself and sprucing up lessons.

I like my students alot. They are a naughty bunch of cute kids. However, they do find some way to cheer me up by the end of the day. I often preach what i believe in almost everyday, which is to respect others, be humble and never hurt one another. Also to be considerate and think how their actions are going to affect others. I find my self repeating everyday, but I guess  with children, you have to.

Its been almost 2 weeks since I even raised my voice in class. All thanks to whole brain teaching strategy. It's awesome. I use it constantly and tweak it abit here and there. I have yet to set up the birthday and goodies corner,  thinking and calming down corner and the goals corner. I also haven't jazz up my class door with the vital statistics of my class! haha..  And haven't I done all these yet.. Because my time is eaten up in track, remedials, supplementary, focus group, safety duties, projects, assembly presentations, work reviews, lesson plans, markings, attendance cases and the list goes on.

And tuition...oh gawd....

Things have been pretty chaotic at home, my parents are not at their pink of health esp my dad and there is alot of tension. I have alot of issues to deal with and decisions to make. And since my life has revolved around my work, I don't have the time to sit and think. Oh what do I do!  I have all these questions.. And I need to find the answers. I know that I need to help out my parents as much as possible financially. But at the same time how about my future? I have always depended on myself for everything. It makes me very uncomfortable to ask for help and I avoid it at all costs. I fear that I will not have enough to support myself and fuel my dreams and plans for my future at the same time I can't compromise my duties to my parents. And the most frustrating thing amongst all this is that my siblings don't give two hoots about it!! I mean seriously, are we from the same womb? Infact they only make the situation worse..

My relationship with my soulmate is actually going on smoothly for now. I guess we're too busy with our lives to quarrell or even hold a grudge with each other. Futhermore, if there's anything that teaching has given back to me, it would to be patient.I am almost indifferent to alot of things. I feel like the person I was when I ran competitively. Which is awesome. Also we got positive feedback about our marriage issues and we are thrilled to hear the good that are come our ways and what we have to do.

My relationship with god has been pretty neglected. Which is bad... because if there is anyone I have depended on it would be god. And I really need to make that effort.

Because I am so super busy. Yes I am honestly busy, no time to watch tv! I spend lesser time with the people i use to visit pretty often, barely get the chance to go clubbing with them or even talk. But with family they will never understand! Like I said I am indifferent, simply because I am not dependent on anyone for anything. At times I feel like delievering the pie from the help to some pple. But, otherwise, I couldn't care less, because I know the pple who love me and care for me truly understand my position and let me know that they are always looking out for me..

Oh ya, did I mention. Me and my darling Navin bought our first home. Which will take a while to arrive but it's all for the good of our wonderful future together.

Happy days yall'!

Engaged

Yes I'm engaged.. And so blessed to have the man I love so much do this for meeeee!!! I was pleasantly surprised on my birthday twice.. Firstly by my darling friends and I can't thank crystal enough for her mastermind tactics to have strategically pulled this off together with navin and friends.. I was so confident that I knew what was going on.. But in actually fact I didn't!! hahaha... Not only they pulled it of with an awesome location and food, but gave me an agnes b bracelet!! awesome... dumped my tiffany for it!!! hahaha..

Navin cleverly tricked me by acting like a waiter and delievering the ring box on a tray to me!! haha.. And yes HE LIKED IT AND HE HAS PUT A RING ON IT!!! hahahaha... even threw in a "why I asked sangee to marry me" speech.. haha.. super cute..

This is my first major surprise b.day I've ever gotten in my life!!And it was the best feeling ever.. I had a mini surprise for my 21st.. that was nice too...

Can't thank the mastermind of  this.. crystal.. I am very grateful to you.. Can't think of a better human being on earth than you!! haha.. IN MY NEXT LIFE I WANNA MARRY YOU HONEH!!.. I will be born enrique for you.. HAHAHAHAHA..

Not many friends will bother to organise such things, because of the hassle and all but I am so grateful to have friends like trina, han siong, kumster, moses, gina!!!

awesome you guys.....

I was surprised at the response i got on fb and from my family.. my family was actually really happy for me.. Normally indian pple dun really care.. but from his side only a handful of them were happy..

But I don't really care.. hahaha.. I mean I can jump of up joy for all I care!! woot woot..

my collection this year wasn't so bad..

ang pao from dad

bum handbag and ferragamo perfume from mom

dress from sis

armani watch and engagement ring from fiance

surprise b.day party and agnes b bracelet from my dolls..

pretty fun i'd say!!

life is not a lily road to success

I am stumped.. I have learnt a couple of things which have made me think about alot of things..

Let me begin with housing. I guess the best thing to do is apply for the ones that just come in. And about the rest, think about it when money flows in like a waterfall.And yes, I haven't got a choice but to take the yishun one. Well, the good thing is at least it is at the edge of yishun tipping towards lentor..

Secondly, I have decided to totally forgo my brother from my life. Simply because he just means bad news, and has only ill intentions for me and my loved ones.. So let him incur my wrath and burn in hell for all i care. He's one sick piece of shit!

Thirdly, marriage has to wait because my darling hasn't finihsed him studying and I can ony imagine how horrid it would feel to be part of something when you haven't accomplished the major thing for yourself.. So I'll cut him some slack..

Thirdly this increment needs to speed up abit more. and by a larger fold.
I need to shop for christmas, simply because.. hahaha..

Fourthly, my b.day's ard the corner.. and my wishlist is building up.
wishlist for my silvery 25:
- b.day bash! (comeon I've lived a quarter century!! I need a birthday bash alr!)
- melissa shoes!!
- of course new clothes for my b.day bash!
- perfume, preferaby a flowery scent by ck, ferragamo, estee lauder or lancome..
- a nice bag that is suitably big but not too big to go out with..(will specify the details)
- I am gonna get another tiffany bracelet.. or maybe another brand...dunno yet..
oh well.. the list will continue.. but we'll hold it at that for now!!